Heart of My Own Heart
Listening to a song on the drive home brought me to another place. It was so reminiscent of the playlist I had in last year’s travels and instantly my heart thought, “Wish I was away traveling. I’m here, but my heart is elsewhere.” I had barely finished that sentence when instantly Jim Elliot’s most memorable quote interrupted the thought. “Wherever you are, be all there.”
This morning I was scrolling through a feed of photos and chancing on one, my heart goes, “oh look, it’s the love of your life” and I had to laugh. My mind was like, “whoa, what?” Sure, he’s a godly man who may have most characteristics I admire in a friend, a leader, and okay, even maybe a parter; but with all that he is, he is far from being the love of my life (really, what does that even mean?). And my one concluding thought to that is, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
I am grateful for the wisdom and sobriety brought on by my love relationship now. Indeed, knowing God intimately sheds light on a lot of things. It’s also knowing how to lead your heart, and not listen to it. I could have easily let those initial thoughts snowball into a streaming flight of fancy delusions, but by God’s grace, I have learned to hold my thoughts captive and make it obedient to Christ (although in some situations, not as well as this one). I’m sure in the past I’ve been driven many many times but my feelings, done many things “in the name of love,” and assessed and attacked situations by my heart’s understanding of it. Now I have learned that it’s not ideal, and not very wise! Again, “the heart is deceitful…” Who knows why? We’re fallen creatures with a flawed nature. This is why we are called to “guard our hearts above all things” and “renew our minds.”
If we can’t trust our hearts, what do we trust? I believe we can trust the heart of He who loves perfectly, holy and wise and without a fault. When we know His heart, we begin to know how our hearts were originally designed to be. We begin to see things in light of who He is, how He values, and how He loves. We are sobered by an eternal perspective that shows us which things are important and which things clutter. It is by knowing that which is true that we are able to recognize the things that are false and marked by unrealities.
And we know that all truth is held in the heart of our Creator, the same heart that longs to cradle ours. Still I am learning, and daily relearning, this principle: know His heart, trust His heart, let it lead mine.
The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water:
He turneth it whithersoever He will.